last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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