Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I love you.
Bad choice
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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