Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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