you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
