I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Enjoy the penises
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
