This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
