My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
