Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
