Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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