My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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