Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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