my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
