watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
