Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
