that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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