i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
