I am full of burrito and curiosity
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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