Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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