@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
