He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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