I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am midnight drunk by noon
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
