Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you traded sex for a burrito?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
