can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
