I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
