So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
