After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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