I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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