I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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