He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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