I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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