I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
