So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
