THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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