You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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