I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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