the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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