Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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