There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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