I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
