We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
