u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
