where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
