Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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