frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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