Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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