I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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