Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
