Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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