totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
