like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
