Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
