i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
They are going to name an STD after you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
