I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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