I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
